Don’s Dynamite – October 2018

No….the Martians aren’t coming!

This month the Dynamite previews the block-buster new musical about to be launched simultaneously on Broadway and in the West End of London.

The musical is an amalgam of the Star Wars – Dr Who – Blakes 7 – Star Trek et al genres.

The musical takes us to not the next level of the genre but one and more beyond that.

So, what is all the hype about?  Well it goes like this.  At the beginning of the current millennium, carefully and quite surreptitiously from somewhere in the Universe, eyes not friendly to Earth are scouring the Universe and surrounding galaxies for a new home.

The search is unrelenting because on the Red Planet [where the evil eyes live] time is running out – time is the enemy of the evil eyes.  A new home has to be found and now.

Secret missions to reconnoitre the Blue Planet have been made – evil eyes in the form of humans have been carefully and methodically traversing the Blue Planet.  Whilst time is the enemy of the evil eyes, they have to get it right – their fuel supplies will only permit a single journey to their new home.

The musical is a political parody – it all ends with the Martians assessing that the Blue Planet is inhabited by intellectually inferior minds.  So, in the end the Martians really aren’t coming. They would rather die on the Red Planet then risk the Blue Planet.

The cast says as much about life on the Blue Planet as does the list of understudies or those who did not make the final cut.

So let’s take a look at those who made it and those who didn’t!

British PM Therese May has a starring role – not only does she have some innovative and darlek type dance moves, it was really her ability to totally crash the Brexit talks that gave her a lead role.

Her understudy – actually in second place – was boring, bad mannered and eratic Boris [Johnson].  Boris just couldn’t cut it with the techno dance moves which made Therese a clear standout for the lead role.

So, travelling across the Atlantic – how could the producers pass up on the ‘Horse face and Tiny’ duo.   Well references to ‘Horse face’ are a little unkind because Tiny clearly had, by his own admission, a different former agenda.

But as to Tiny, it was all about weaponry.  The US does after all have a formidable armoury and it would be a daunting prospect for the Martians to take on the might of the good old US of A. Weaponry ensured a leading role for Tiny.

But this is where the Martians really came undone – they could not match the fake news and the twitter and blog utterances nor the quality of the debate run by Tiny. The wit and intellect of Tiny was a real turn-off for the Martians.

Then to the middle east and the Saudis.  The little green men can be a little squeamish at times – but then who could blame them. How would you feel as a Martian if you wanted to marry your sweetheart only to find that when you entered the Saudi Embassy in another country to get the required papers, that you could get into an unprovoked fist fight that left you dead?  Though as a Martian you could take comfort in knowing that there was a super-qualified surgeon there who could carve your body up with a conveniently available bone cutting saw, not to mention the two planes and dozen or so operatives immediately available to return you to Saudi Arabia as a pre-step to a return to the Red Planet.

This sort of welcoming approach would have more deterrent value than Tiny and his unrestricted arms supply.

In a marginal call by the producers Aussie PM – ScoMo got the nod.  His cameo role was based on his ability to turn back the boats though there was an eleventh hour concern.  Did the producers really want ScoMo in the cast – after all he had just lost the unlosable election – would the Martians see him as a push over or was he really someone of substance who could in the near future take all his mates with him over the cliff to a total wipe-out?

But speaking of cameo roles – just wait for the scenes where the Mad Monk aka Tony Abbott, in company with his mates Kevin Andrews of Grecian 200 fame and Eric ‘Otto’ Abetz all from the lunactic fringe reprise themselves as climate deniers.  So why are the Martians so scared?  The live after all on the Red Planet – and they know what made it red and that’s why they want to leave.  The don’t want to jump from the frying pan into the fire.

Well to be complete, Bill Shorten didn’t make the cut, he couldn’t make the emergencies either.

This should give Bill some time as the likely new PM by default to think about answers he might get from our less talented journos.  Bill will though, be aware that he is the likely beneficiary of the truism – Oppositions don’t win elections, Government’s just lose them.

In the end, it not hard to empathise with the lot of the Martians – as earthlings occupying the Blue Planet, we live through this charade each and every day with little light visible at the end of the tunnel.

Those who care wait earnestly in Australia for the coming of a new PM.  A PM who is not a career politician, who is an intelligent person and who can actually exhibit skills as an orator.  They do so without much hope and little optimism.

Read my lips – any reference to shortcomings of politicians exists world wide and certainly in all States of Australia.