April 5, 2018

Don’s Dynamite: April 2018

Last month the Dynamite took a somewhat more conservative approach to things current but with all the nonsense now happening around the place it’s just a bit hard to sit back and do nothing, say nothing and put up with what each and every citizen should not have to put up with.

Enough is enough.

So, let’s pass straight on from ‘sand-paper-gate’ and look at the Holy Trinity – well at least 3 of the most deserving recipients of the Dynamite’s attention.

The Circus has come to town!

Well another circus has come to town.  Well at least one which we can all presume has animals and real entertainers.

My only concern in relation to the circus on the sea front oval is how they managed to lob there when clearly the greatest circus in town is the one up in Tavistock Street.

Just imagine the cast of the Tavistock Circus.

Well first we will have George of the Jungle (aka Councillor George Seymour) – no doubt his entertainment for the poor ratepayers of the Fraser Coast will be dealing with the wild and exotic animals which inhabit the chambers of Tavistock Towers.

George of the Jungle, adept at saying what he perceives the ratepayers want to hear rather than exhibiting the strength and determination the ratepayers want to see and experience, will be there dressed appropriately in green environmentally friendly garments and adorned with a whip and a Pith helmet.

No doubt the taming of the wild and exotic animals will be less than effective if George has to crack the whip.

Then we will have the master of ceremonies – Vernon Verbose (aka Councillor David Lewis).  Vernon will regale us all with words, words and even more words until, comatose by the verbal onslaught we will all need to retreat from the bleachers, not, for one moment, understanding the import or the intent of the verbal onslaught. The only sure thing is that the words will be erudite.

Then we will have the master of illusion and meaningful communication – The Pen is mightier than the Sword (aka Councillor Darren Everard).  The Pen will be joined in the ring by himself and his alter egos. The mayoral aspirant, will have us all in his thrall as he recounts the wonders of his candidacy, the meaning of true communication and the certainty that you can always trust your alter ego, even if you have more than one.  This should be the highlight of each performance.

The other exotic animals will mill around, demonstrating, should the ratepayers have a need to know, their unquestionable attributes, the attributes which so clearly make them fit for the purpose of ruling the mere mortals of the Fraser Coast Regional Council area.

Not a job for the boys!

Well I see that Kim Beazley has been appointed Governor of Western Australia. Not sure whether Kim was a republican or not but anyway, even he should have a degree of flexibility on matters regal. Kim will no doubt have the prospect of mixing with majesty – one can only contemplate the intellectual depth of some of the discussions Kim will have to endure.

But the point of this issue is not to suggest that Kim is not suited to the job or that he is not a worthy candidate for the job.

Rather the intent of the comment is let Kim know [as he is no doubt an avid reader of the Dynamite] how lucky he is to have been successful in gaining the position.

Why!  Well in Queensland we have Peter Beattie – one-time premier, one-time trade commissioner to Hollywood, most recently the holder of an exalted post with the Commonwealth Games on the Gold Coast and even now to the dizzier heights of Chairman of the NRL.

Anyone who saw the former ex-rugby league player [no one had come forward to suggest that Pete ever really pulled on a jumper for any particular club] demonstrate his hand eye co-ordination in a recent media event would be concerned as to whether he ever played rugby league. He actually made John Howard’s bowling performance [which was in itself a serious media event] look skilled and silky smooth.

But in a foot note for Pete – don’t worry mate, there are lots of jobs coming up for which you will not necessarily be suited but where no doubt you will fit in.  We know you need the money and besides Birmingham needs your skills.  Not sure how he will juggle all those balls though.

Rolling news coverage!

Firstly, an apology to our local daily.  I made the serious overstatement that the paper was the staunch defender of our democratic rights.  Clearly, I was overreaching and should have been more modest in my praise.

Methinks that the more appropriate standard is that fictional newspaper the Daily Planet.  As to who in our local daily is Clark Kent and who is Lois Lane is a matter of conjecture.

But since the local daily adopted the ‘rolling news format’ things have gone from strength to strength.

There is even talk of a Retro Spelling and Grammar contest.  I hear you ask ‘what is a retro spelling and grammar contest’ – well this is the contest where the local daily just doesn’t worry at all about poor spelling and grammar.  In fact, the more poor grammar and the more inappropriate spelling the better, see, that is how the contest works, and the winner is ……………………..

The next challenge to be run by the Daily Planet will be a Retro Accurate Reporting contest. The sample principle as set out above underpins this contest – so the whole idea here is why let the truth get in the way of a good story.

Don’t you just feel for the 84,000+ readers (alleged) of the Daily Planet!